More actresses who deserved better

In an earlier post I wrote about TV actresses who got the thankless job of being the girlfriend of Little Joe, Capt. Kirk, Dr. Richard Kimble, and after a quick courtship and sometimes marriage, get killed by rustlers/Klingons/whatever.

Here's some more, but as we moved into the 70s the actresses sometimes got better parts later on.

France Nguyen (above) was one of Capt. Kirk's girlfriends who didn't get killed, but some 20 years later played a doctor on St. Elsewhere. My point is, whereas most Capt. Kirk girlfriend types continued to play girlfriends and secretaries, a few got roles as professionals. It took 20 years, but it happened.

Bonnie Bedelia, all in one episode of Bonanza, met Little Joe, fell in love with him, married him, then was killed by rustlers (I think). She would later get the thankless roles as wife of Bruce Willis/Harrison Ford. Whereas most of Harrison Ford's movie wives were hostages, Bedelia actually had a strong role in "Presumed Innocent." She was Willis' hostage wife in Die Hard and Die Hard 2.

She got rave reviews as Shirley Muldowney in "Heart Like a Wheel," which makes the hostage wife roles more tragic. She did play a precinct commander on "The District."

Anne Archer was the thankless wife in "Fatal Attraction," and one of Harrison Ford's hostage wives in "Patriot Games."

Meg Foster was a perpetual guest star through the 70s-90s. She had a strong role in Sam Pekinpah's "The Osterman Weekend," and was half of "Cagney & Lacey" for a few episodes before getting booted from the show for whatever reason. Once again, an actress who deserved better.

Bugs Bunny news

The story is Warner Bros. is going to make another Bugs Bunny live action/CGI film and Jenny Slate is going to write it.

The Jenny Slate thing doesn't bother me, afterall, she was the best thing about the last Alvin and the Chipmunks film.

The CGI thing doesn't bother me, this is the future, there's no turning back.

What bothers me is the live action part. Why why why must they do this? Why can't it be *all* cartoon? Roger Rabbit ruined full-length character-revival cartoons for everyone. Think about it, every time a classic cartoon has been revived it had to be done part live action:

Rocky and Bullwinkle, The Chipmunk films, Casper, the last two Loony Tunes films, the Smurfs! And what did they all have in common? Mostly all of them sucked! (I'm giving a pass to "Loony Tunes Back in Action," because though it did suck, Joe Dante's heart was in the right place, and there were a million funny ideas, but the whole film just didn't come together (The Louvre sequence came closest to bringing Chuck Jones back to life))

I don't see Pixar teaming the Incredibles up with Justin Beiber, nor have they teamed up Nemo with Tyler Perry. There's a reason Pixar doesn't put live-action actors in its movies: Because Pixar doesn't want to make movies that blow!

Bugs Bunny doesn't need Brendan Fraser, Bugs Bunny doesn't need Jenna Elfman, and as God as my witness, Bugs Bunny doesn't need Michael Jordan (worst idea for movie ever).

I'll tell you who else Bugs Bunny didn't need: Clark Gable. Think of those Loony Tunes when they slipped in movie stars from the 1940s. Children from all over the world watch these cartoons today and say, "I don't get it." Putting real people in these movies dates them...immediately... and you might get a chuckle the year the film comes out, but after that, you get a movie that blows.

Give me a movie with all the Loony Tunes characters on a 90-minute adventure with lots of subversive humor.

Adventure Comics 395

So back on Krypton they had these triceratop creatures who had giant flat-screen TVs on their heads that showed the viewer the animal's intentions, which for the most part were eating the viewer. In fact I think this was the only channel on triceratop TV, the triceratop eating you.

Let's look at some practical implications. If that animal is charging you, do you really need to read its mind to know what it wants to do?

Second, apparently, DC Comics invented the flat-screen TV.

Seriously though...

This was not the Kryptonian Thought Beast's first appearance in DC Comics, I know he appeared before but I couldn't tell you when or where. It might have been one of those Mort Weisinger stories of Superman going back in time to Krypton where he, Lois or Lana were always screwing around with Kryptonian history.

I read this when I was 7. I didn't buy it though, one of my brothers or sisters might have brought it in the house. Either way I remember staring at the vivid colors on the Swan-Anderson cover and falling in love with Supergirl.

The book disappeared (I suspect mom threw it out), this was before I was buying/collecting, so years later I tracked down the issue and snapped it up. (Pre-eBay, no easy feat). Upon revisiting the book I was surprised that the cover image represented the back-up story! And the art inside was by Kurt Shaffenberger, and as good as he was, he wasn't as good as Swanderson.

All in all, a lot of fun for 15 cents, and then 10 years later for $5.

Review: "How to Murder Your Wife"

I just caught this Jack Lemmon comedy on TCM (again). If I turn on the TV and it's on, I have to sit through the whole thing.

First of all, it's a relic! An anachronism! A Mad Men, first couple seasons of Bewitched look at how men regarded woman in the early 60s. Single women were for sex and ogling, and wives were smothering/mothering annoying obstacles to freedom! And, it was a man's world, what MST3K would describe as "when doughy white men walked the earth." Lots of martinis and palling with the boys, and suits and ties.

The creators had no idea they were making a timepiece

If you ignore some of the unsavory implications (at one point, Lemmon slips his wife a "goofball."), it's actually very funny. And the last scene between Lemmon and his wife (Virna Lisi, filmed to look even more beautiful than she really is) is actually very sweet.

R.I.P. Joe Kubert

His career spanned 70 years! He was always 10 years ahead of most other artists. It's an amazing body of work.

James Bond farm teams

As a James Bond fan, I've been interested in the use of copycat casting in the films. Let's think about this for a second. As James Bond became a big phenomena, naturally, imitation being the most sincere form of television, the copycats began. In "The Avengers" we have dapper international crime fighters.
Now, when the James Bond filmmakers needed a love interest for Goldfinger, they turn to the Avengers and recruit Honor Blackman.

OK, as they say in the novel Goldfinger, once is happenstance.

Then Honor Blackman was replaced in the Avengers by Diana Rigg. And when the Bond producers needed a love interest for "On Her Majesty's Secret Service," they get...Diana Rigg.

Twice is coincidence.

When it was time to replace Sean Connery (for the second time), they turned to "The Saint," a TV show about a dapper, tuxedo-wearing globetrotting crime fighter and snagged Roger Moore.

Three times is enemy actions.

(In fairness, the literary Saint predated the literary James Bond.)

But it doesn't stop there. When it was time to replace Moore, the first choice was Pierce Brosnan, who at the time was playing a dapper, tuxedo-wearing globetrotting crime fighter in "Remington Steele." (a Bond footnote. "Remington Steele was as good as cancelled when it was announced Brosnan would be the new Bond. NBC happy with all this publicity, un-cancelled Remington Steele, forcing Brosnan to sit out the next two Bond films. (This worked out for the best I think. I think Brosnan needed time to age into the role.)

All in all, not a lot of imagination in these casting choices. This is why they should get credit for taking chances on the actors with no Bond farm team experience: George Lazenby (a model), Timothy Dalton (who had never played a contemporary role in a film before), and Daniel Craig (who had experience playing gun-toting tough guys, but not as a good guy.).

They should also get credit for casting Sean Connery after his role in "Darby O'Gill and the Little People," in a role obviously written for Cary Grant or David Niven.

The dead-wife contrivance

Another contrivance that bothers me is the dead-wife-running-sub-plot. "The Fugitive" invented this so they get a lifetime pass. The premise being, through the course of a series, there's a background mystery in which the hero must find his wife's killer. But in practice, only relatively few episodes hit on this, or they might mention it once in a while. The unspoken promise is by the last episode the mystery will be solved.

Let's look at "The Fugitive," sure he was looking for his wife's killer, but that was the string that pulled him from city to city where he'd eventually do other stuff. Protect a single mom from the town bully, stand up to union busters, whatever. All the while he's on the run from Det. Girard.

This was of course wonderful. It started turning into a cliche when others jumped on the bandwagon.

The worst offender was the '70s TV version of the Hulk. A man who occasionally turned into a big green monster wasn't enough of a plot, someone thought, so the running subplot was he was on the run because he was somehow framed for his wife's death, but in the meanwhile he's protecting single moms from town bullies and standing up to union busters. You can see the pitch meeting, "I tell ya' J.L., it writes itself. It's just like "The Fugitive," but David Janssen turns into a big green monster every week!" And, he's being pursued by a tabloid reporter instead of a dogged cop. Absolutely unnecessary. It's the Hulk for heaven's sake.

The X-Files variation was Mulder was on the trail of the aliens (or shady government arm) who kidnapped his sister. The producers seemed almost embarrassed by this, and it was only brought out once in a great while, mostly, it was hardly ever mentioned.

Then came "Monk." Once again, you can hear the pitch meeting. "He's a brilliant detective, but he has crippling, hysterical OCD. It'll be just like those NBC Mystery Movies back in the '70s, like Columbo or McCloud, the brilliant detective with a quirky personality." And then some TV executive pees on it by saying, "Yeah, sounds good, but he needs a dead wife subplot in the background." And the creators relented and said, "OK." It seemed very tacked on.

I was disappointed in the "Night Stalker" remake of a few years back. They totally disassembled it and reassembled it as "The X-Files II" (this is funny because Chris Carter listed "The Night Stalker" as one of the influences of "The X-Files.") So instead of a shlubby down-on-his luck reporter in a beat-up Mustang, the new "Night Stalker" had a handsome, well-dressed reporter who drove a new Mustang. Guys, you sucked the fun out of it! Also he was given a skeptical partner, and, finally.... a subplot dead wife mystery going on in the background. How disappointing, instead of "Night Stalker" they just should have called it "X-Files: The Next Generation."

In fairness, as a "Night Stalker" reboot it was awful, but as an X-Files copy, it was really good.